Womens Advert, Perverted

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Why does my Photoshop neglect the font “Bodoni”, which I am 90% certain is the original font? I couldn’t quite match it. Meh.

Amtrak, my dear…

This just isn’t going to work out between us. It’s in part because of the ways you’ve treated me, but mostly because of today’s debacle involving my mother.

She boarded you at nine this morning, and she’ll be with you for at least another hour. Your website states that the ride should take about five hours, not eight. At two o’clock you ran her into a truck– no word yet on whether the trucks passengers survived. I curiously perused your online materials and learned that in the past twelve months, only 21% of your rides between our two major midwestern cities have been on time. Really, Amtrak? Wouldn’t it be logical to tack an extra half hour on to your expected ride time and boost that damning statistic up to at least 1/3? Your seem quite content to trap passengers on you and kindly announce that the dining car is open– a bottle of water is only $3.50. Last time I checked, you weren’t Disney World.

I am sick of you for my own sake as well. Last time I rode you, you caused a young business-woman, trying to save money on a 45-minute ride, to be three hours late for a job interview. Your constantly-harassed coachmen did not make it clear whether a refund could be made available to her. After she got off, she was replaced by a gang of 30-something redneck men, who loudly talked about how much coke they would buy if they won the lottery, and how to scam one’s doctor for testosterone supplements (take your gf’s birth control pills.) The time before that, a creepy man harassed me the whole ride, and a one-armed cowboy a few seats back had phone-sex with possibly more than one woman at once while several small children sat within ear-shot. Their parents? Wearing headphones.

And although this is not entirely your fault, I hate the often non-existent cell service along your track. It’s often impossible to contact anyone at your destination if the train is sitting still for hours in a dead zone. Yes, your friends and relatives can check the Amtrack website, but not when you DELETE THE MOTHERFUCKING TRAIN BEFORE IT HAS EVEN ARRIVED YOU COCKSUCKERS.

Now I’m off to pick up my poor mum. She’s going to be terribly frazzled.

Loaded/Load of

Lawyer1: “And then what did you see?”

Witness: “I saw him swinging an ax at the other man, obviously trying to kill hi-”

Lawyer2: “Objection! ‘Kill’ is a loaded word and unfairly prejudices the jury against my client.”

Judge: “Objection sustained.”

Lawyer1: “Could you rephrase your statement?”

Witness: “I saw him swing an ax at the other man with the intent of… of… ending his biological processes.”

HOW MOTHERFUCKING RIDICULOUS IS THAT??? I will punch anyone in the face who can stand before me and try to say that the word “rape” should be barred from courts. It didn’t happen during the Red Scare when Communist was the loaded word and false accusations really were being made. Saying that most rapes are false accusations is an unsupportable statement. This is fucking unbelievable, and life just got a little worse for women across the nation.

In other news, that hike in the unemployment hike? Totally my fault, yo. That pesky 16-24 age group, unable to find summer jobs. But I’ve got some leads and interviews coming up! Also, Drummer is a dream. Today is exactly four months since we first met.

Is this what a real avatar looks like?

It’s time for ranting with unlegion.

First, a shout out to Pepper Pots in Iron Man for falling for the self-absorbed ass-hat who has ignored, disrespected, and taken you for granted for years– and immediately objectified you and made you uncomfortable after your “cinderella” transformation. Fuck that shit, yo.

Next! So there’s this MMORPG called Age of Conan. A load of dudes on there are up in arms because the creators nerfed the boobs of the female avatars (the only boobs those guys are seeing, I presume). Now, judging from the screen shots, the boobs went down in size from impossible-due-to-the-laws-of-physics big to Pamela-Anderson big. OMGWTFOHNOES! And players are threatening to quit unless the extra tissue is reconstituted. Also from the screen shots– where the hell did the pretty lighting go? Why does the game suddenly look like something cranked out by a 15-year old in Bryce? Fo’ reals, dude. Back to the point. We apparently live in a world where people get pissed off if the imaginary and exaggerated female body is scaled remotely closer to reality. Good luck to the game developers I’ve heard about who are scaling down female boob sizes to be more “girlfriend friendly”.

I demand highly visible foot-long cocks rendered in loving detail and pleasingly lit on every male avatar.

Also, D&D 4 looks stupid. I will be sticking with 3.5, thanks.