Plans.

I think it’s important to have a plan. I know that my parents are planning for their old age– not only in terms of money, but in case their judgement becomes shaky. This is on my mind because of my mother’s parents.

A few weeks ago, my grandmother napped all day. My grandfather was not concerned. She was in a diabetic coma, and it was pure luck that she woke up the next day. Their three daughters only found out two days later. Since then, she had continued to slip under every few days, despite a hospital’s best efforts. They didn’t plan for this, or make any efforts to organize or gauge their financial status. They didn’t tour assisted care facilities in their 70’s, so in their 80’s it falls to my mother and her sisters. I went to see my grandfather last week, while his wife was admitted to the hospital. I asked if he’d been thinking of what the future held. He said they would stay put until they couldn’t keep the farm up any more. But they already weren’t, and didn’t seem to realize it. A woman from their church did their cleaning. My aunt did their mowing. They spent six hours each day preparing and cleaning up after two meals. The house and surrounding trailers and storage sheds were rotting, the house teeming with molds inside the insulation. The pipes were paper-thin with age.

The three daughters convinced their parents to move. By now most of the important items have been transferred to an assisted care facility. They will have activities, their car, and a place to garden. They will be close to a hospital and meal prep will consist of getting to the cafeteria at an appointed time.

My mother has been here, five hours from home, for over a week. When she called last night she seemed on the edge of a breakdown. I want to take care of her, but midterms are coming and I feel guilty for being unable to drop everything. She has worked as an accountant and a tax preparer, and has become the sister in charge of the finances. Shoe-boxes of papers, no organization, some dated in the 1950’s. Papers as old as my mother.

Planning is important.